Grab em by the pussy.

 

Lol. K not really.

 

But kind of.

 

Trump’s words, his “locker room talk,” hold some actual weight in the arena of many men’s views on women.

 

This is not to say women are innocent either…many women are equally at fault for objectifying and using and manipulating men to fulfill their own selfish desires.

 

In the age of Tinder, dating as we know it looks very different than it did for our parents and their parents.

 

I’ve noticed patterns, themes if you will, in millennial dating.

 

As an attractive, single, young woman I’ve been on plenty of dates. I’ve also been the subject of much misogyny. And have been left questioning myself time and time again.

 

I’ve compromised.

 

I’ve settled.

 

I’ve done things I didn’t want to do in order to receive validation.

 

I’ve often been left wondering what was wrong with me.

 

Questioning my qualities…am I not pretty enough? Cool enough? Fun enough?

 

You know that scene in Gone Girl where Amy finally loses her shit and talks about how she pretended to be “the cool girl” so her husband would like her? I can totally relate.

 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bitten my tongue so I wouldn’t look “crazy.”

 

After a lot of self-reflection, I realize that all that tongue biting wasn’t healthy or productive because it ended up getting translated into resentment. And man resentment is ugly.

 

Anyways, back to millennial dating…

 

I’ve noticed that as young adults, many of us are reluctant or resistant to becoming vulnerable.

 

Open, honest communication seems more difficult than it should be.

 

Intimacy is often strictly physical.

 

“Ghosting” has become a widely understood term for when someone just disappears, no longer answering your calls or texts with no explanation.

 

It leaves us wondering. And hurt. And resentful.

 

So we vow to stay closed off. Sometimes consciously, sometimes sub-consciously.

 

And sometimes we turn into the people that contributed to us building our walls.

 

Social media doesn’t help either.

 

Or porn.

 

Or Tinder.

 

Over-stimulation and unrealistic expectations.

 

How do you keep someone’s interest when there are so many distractions and vice versa?

 

How do you get someone to agree to monogamy when a booty call is in their pocket?

 

I think the issue with dating in 2016 is that everyone wants to save face. No one wants to admit to rejection. There’s a lot of ego. And pride. People want to have their cake and eat it too.

 

However, I will mention that my views on this issue are not comprehensive. No one’s really is (on any issue) because everyone has a different world view and perspective shaped by their life experiences and surroundings.

 

I was born & raised in LA (the Valley to be exact) and I’ve heard that us Angelenos have it a little rougher than most. Now, I obviously don’t know how accurate that is because I’ve never actually lived anywhere else. But I can tell you my dating track record has been anything but spectacular which makes me more than happy to blame my dating grievances on living in LA (lol).

 

I’ve never been in a relationship that spanned more than a year and even the ones that lasted that long were with people who didn’t even acknowledge me as their girlfriend.

 

But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t voice my thoughts or feelings. I was “the cool girl.” And apparently cool girls don’t advocate for themselves.

 

I’ve since vowed never to change or be anything for anyone that strays from what feels right to me. If that means not being cool then fuck it, I don’t want to be cool.

 

I won’t pretend to have the answers or solutions to an area of life I haven’t seemed to master (I mean, who really ever does though?). I think dating and intimacy are aspects of our lives that are forever evolving and changing. It’s fluid. Which is why it’s changed so much over the years.

 

My only hope for this generation and ultimately for myself is that we will find enough contentment within who we are to be able to embrace and open up to the truth about what we want and what makes us feel good, without fearing what other people will think of us.

 

I hope we will become more respectful and thoughtful and considerate and reserved and loving and loved and most of all, love ourselves so that we can be open to receiving the good.

 

Also, I’ll end with this…there are some pretty incredible people in this world and I’m a firm believer that when the timing is right, you will meet one of them.

 

Timing is everything.